Generally speaking, I am not a fan of animals. Let me preface the following by saying while I would never own a dog, that does not necessarily mean that I do not like your dog. There is a portion of my cold black heart that is mildly soft and warm and tingles a little bit when I see a cute puppy or kitten. I will pet your dog, scratch it perhaps, I won't run away scared, but should it try and lick my face, I will dropkick it.
Top 10 reaons I will never own a dog:
1) They are smelly.
2) They are smelly. They are so smelly, they warrant two whole reasons.
3) They leave hair everywhere. There are already 2 humans in our apartment that leave hair everywhere, we don't need an animal to contribute.
4) They chew on your stuff. You've seen my shoes. I don't want to risk losing any of them.
5) They pee and poo outside, with no concern for the weather. Yeah, like I want to stand outside in subzero temps so my dog can take a crap.
6) They bark.
7) Their food is expensive. I'd rather buy more shoes than a bag of dog food. Or heck, food for ME.
8) I refuse to pay a vet to operate on a dog who swallowed a quarter. That's money down the drain. And I'd be out a quarter.
9) Those nasty anal gland things. No thanks.
10) Arranging for a kennel so you can go out of town. What a joke.
So there you have it. I could go on, but I'll practice some restraint. If you have a dog, I don't like you any less. However, if you have a dog, I'm sure your opinion of ME just dropped. But I'm okay with that. I'll cry myself to sleep on my comfy bed that I don't have to share with a dog.
3 comments:
Amen. Some ample (and very good) reasons why we NO LONGER have a dog.
I'm with you!!!
You are actually now a goddess in my mind. We will never own a dog and I have been called "cold hearted" and "cruel" for thinking all of these same things.... and yet I am so happy in my ways. Love the post. And love the mascot picture from earlier. :)
This is the best post. Ever.
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