Tuesday, April 03, 2007

My day at Jerry Springer

Where do I begin? We got to Chicago and got in line at NBC studios. As I looked at the crowd around us, I was not surprised as to the type of people I saw. We went through security and they put us in this holding room for about a half hour. Then we finally made it into the studio. There were TVs playing clips from old shows--"Too Hot for TV". Which meant boobies. It was freezing in the studio. So we watched these clips for about 20 minutes before Todd, a producer or whatever, comes out to give us instructions. But the whole thing is very odd--Todd is making crazy dirty jokes and it's unlike any other taping I've been to. And then there are the "Jerry Beads". How come nobody warned me about these? Apparently, a large part of the show consists of people flashing everyone and getting beads for it. So, people would raise their hands and ask for their Jerry beads. Then everyone chants "Take it off! Take it off!" and they have to flash everyone and slowly turn around so everyone gets a shot. Then everyone chants "Get on the pole! Get on the pole!" and they go up onstage where there is a firepole installed and these classy ladies rub their naked boobies all over it. I saw more boobs yesterday than I have in a long time. Heck, after that, I didn't even want to look at MY own boobs. Anyway, Jerry comes out and does this stand up routine bit for awhile. Random jokes, some are funny, some are lame, some are dirty. Then he has a question and answer session, so I raise my hand and ask for MY Jerry beads. Just kidding! I asked to give him a hug. He said yes so I ran onstange and hugged him, and the sound effect guy made this "boi-oi-oi-oing!" sound effect and Jerry squeezed me and everyone laughed. Then the next two people really asked for their Jerry beads and then he told me that I must feel stupid b/c all I offered was a hug. I said that at least I still had my dignity. Haha. So finally they bring out the guests, and the topic was "Fighting ex-lovers". Pretty much all it consisted of was fighting. Fighting was encouraged. Weaves were pulled off, shirts taken off, cracks exposed, you name it. And they made us chant "Charge him like a bull!" so the big fat guy would go after the little guy. I was sitting right next to where Jerry stood when he came back after commercial breaks so I may possibly get a lot of screen time, we'll see. The whole time the guests are just fighting each other and Jerry makes random comments and I hear him mutter under his breath, "this is pathetic", "why am I doing this?". I look up at him at one point while people are flashing and say, "You must be so proud!", and he just shakes his head and grabs my shoulder and says, "Oh yes, I am" while he laughs. It was funny. This whole time, all I really want to see now is Steve. But he's nowhere to be found. Well, he comes out at the end, and after the taping is over everyone leaves the studio and you can buy T-shirts and Jerry beads and headshots and Steve will sign them for you if you go back into the studio. We make friends with the bouncer dudes and they let us skip to the front of the line so we can take pictures with Steve first and not have to wait. This is when my camera decides to die and I don't get a picture on my camera with Steve. I'm still waiting for my friend to email it to me, but when she does, I'll post it, b/c it's pretty sweet. I did get some secret sneaky background shots of him though. Steve's pretty buff, and he has a sexy bald head. And I hugged him too. He was shocked to find out we were all so young and all either married or engaged. He wanted us.

I don't know when it airs, you have to call this hotline on Friday to find out. But don't you worry, I'll let you all know. It was a very random day, but very funny. At times I felt like I was in a den of iniquity, satan's lair, Hell, call it what you want. I'm just glad the topic wasn't "My secret sex life" or something like that. Yeah, like I can expect my grandma to watch that! Anyway, if you are not easily offended and like seeing old wrinkly boobies and small nasty boobies and lots of mullets, I would highly recommend going to a taping. To be honest, the only other people I could imagine going to this were:
3-My friend Sara

Everyone else would die of horror.

Here are some pics from yesterday, but remember, the best are yet to come.

Waiting in line to get into the building.

Me on stage.

All of us onstage.

Trying to get a sneaky shot of Steve. He was onto me.

And yes, that is a side ponytail. You know you love it. I rocked it.


Lara said...

OH. My. Heck.

Scott said...

2 comments. 1- I'm honored to be on that list. I think. 2- If "your friend Sara" would like it, I wish "your friend Sara" was "my friend Sara."

jasongard said...

I echo Scott's words. It is an honor. I think I shall make a trip out of it.