Monday, February 04, 2008

Meltdown

Last night I had a meltdown. I've never felt so unprepared for something in my life. I started panicking when I realized I didn't study at all yesterday, thinking relaxing watching the game would be best. Uh....no. When I got home from the party I fa-REAKED out. Then I couldn't fall asleep because 1) I cried so much my nose was stuffed up and I couldn't breath and 2) I couldn't stop thinking about this bloody test.

So I get up this morning and get dressed and eat breakfast and leave for the testing office. I feel mildly sick to my stomach the whole time. They take my picture and get my fingerprints and tell me to empty my pockets, INCLUDING MY CHAPSTICK. The security of my chapstick must remain in the locker, and I start to freak out that my lips will be dry and cracked and I won't be able to focus on the test. So I slather on like 8 layers and put it in the locker with a withering gaze.

I sit down at the computer and write down all the lab values and formulas I can remember. Turns out I don't even need them. I start answering questions, and I start holding back tears as I realize each questions is like latin to me. I get a million of those mutliple answers, which I loathe. I trudge on, taking my best guess. And that's exactly what they are, guesses. I feel zero confidence with each answer.

The computer shuts off automatically when it determines if you've answered enough questions correctly, or incorrectly for that matter. The minimum you can get is 75, maximum 265. My test quit at 75 questions. So I either did really good, or really badly.

I walk back into the lobby, where the proctor, an older gentleman tells me he can tell I'm going to be a great nurse. I ask him how he knows that, and he says he can tell b/c of my personality and blah blah blah, and I get my stuff out of the locker. The receptionist asks me how it went, and I said "Awful!" She said everyone says that, and that people come out sobbing all the time. I tell her I'm at least waiting until I get outside to start crying. She said not to cry, and just wait and see how I did. Yeah, right. Well, I didn't start crying when I got outside, I started as soon as I walked out of the office and into the hallway.

Now I'm on the sofa, watching TiVo from two weeks ago. I have a lot to catch up on, and that's all I have planned for today.

Now I just have to wait for the results! Hopefully by tomorrow sometime. Until then, I'll try to ignore the butterflies in my stomach...

4 comments:

Caitlin said...

Oh, Karen. That is the saddest story I've ever heard -- taking your chapstick away?!?

I'm sure you did great. And now you don't have to feel guilty about relaxing :)

NelsonFamily said...

You did great and you will be a great nurse!

Lara said...

OKAY. If the minimum you can get right is 75, and the test shut OFF at 75....well.......You did fine in my opinon!

And you WILL be a great nurse. Eat something chocolatey and watch your TiVo. :-) Hang in there!

Linda said...

Did you find out yet? I am sure you did fine. How could someone who graduated with honors not? Keep me posted, I was wondering about it all day today... I guess I could have called, but I'm a loser.