One month

I can't believe Summer is a month old already. It's like I blinked and-POOF!-one month zipped by.

I feel incredible blessed and lucky to have had such an easy baby so far. She has started to get more alert and awake and therefore more fussy, but it's hardly fussy at all so I can't even complain about it. She just likes to be held and cuddled and loved...who doesn't love that?? She also likes to snooze in her carseat while we run errands, and her favorite is sleeping on dad's chest in the evening. She loves sleeping on her tummy, just like her mom. Darn that Back to Sleep campaign!

She's starting to get pretty heavy, and I wondered just how much weight she has gained. Well, I found out today at her one month appointment. Let's just say this little girl is quite the eater and is turning into a little chunk. Two weeks ago she was 7 lb 15 oz. She's now 9 lb 3 oz.!! She's moved up to the 50th percentile in weight. She grew just over an inch to 20.75", 37th percentile; and her noggin is 36.5 cm, 37th percentile.

She got her 2nd dose of the Hepatitis B vaccine, which promptly brought the first painful tears to her little eyes. Oh man, it broke my heart to see her cry like that, and then I started tearing up. She's been super cuddly all night as a result, which we love.

She still sleeps well, waking up usually twice at night to eat. We've got it down to a science. Eat, poop, diaper change, swaddle, and back to sleep in about 25 minutes. Not bad!

I've been able to learn a little more about Photoshop Elements, and I was able to make Summer's birth announcement, just like I wanted to! Thanks to all who sent links and helped me learn new tricks so I could actually do it! What do you think? Don't you just love that center picture? It cracks me right up.

Raising a newborn, for me, hasn't really been all that stressful or hard. I attribute a lot of that to working on a newborn unit. The experience handling a newborn helped me a ton, and just knowing what to expect out of them eased my mind on a lot of things.

What is stressing me out is the feeling that I'm not enjoying her as much as I should or could be. Everyone always says, "The time goes so fast! Enjoy every minute, every stage!" So I'm always wondering if I've held her enough, stared at her enough, talked to her enough, taken enough pictures of her, etc. I feel guilty when I put her in her crib for naps during the day, wondering if I should be holding her and watching her sleep. I feel guilty if I try and put her in the swing or bouncy seat while I shower or make dinner or clean or whatever. It feels like I'm neglecting her. Now, before I get the barrage of comments telling me I'm allowed to let her sleep and that I need to do things for myself, I understand that. I do, I really do. And I know it's illogical to do all the things I tell myself I should or could be doing. But I can't help feeling like I'm still missing something, and that I'll have regrets later about not cherishing the moments now. The moments that have already passed. The moments I'll never get back. I'm so torn about loving the stage she's in now and wanting to see what she'll grow up to be. All I know is we love her, and our lives are so much better because she's a part of our family now. All we can do is our best, and hope she knows we're doing everything we can for her.

Here's to another month!!